We think we are safe as a child, what a harsh lesson I learn't as i reached the age of 7!
This is me around 5 months old, no worries just happy, until...........
Why am I writing about this? well I asked myself this many times but I believe that if this site can help anybody in anyway then that is a good thing in my life!
Well at the age of roughly 7 I went to my nans static caravan on most holiday's and weekends and i had one of those uncle's, the type that abuse little girl's, He did this to me on a regular basis, at the caravan site there was a club and children were allowed in until 10-15pm, a perfect setting for your uncle to get you to sit on his knee and no one can see under the table!
I use to try and get of my uncle's knee but my whole family was surrounded around the family table, If I said no to sitting on my uncle's knee, the obvious thing a family member would say is "dont be rude and give your uncle a hug". Anyway this went on until i turned 13, i remember the day like it was yesterday, I was outside the club and it was dusk, I had an awful black top on with 3 pink surfboards on it, anyway he put his hand on my side and slid up my top and I used my arm and pushed his hand down! and it was that simple, that's all I did and that stopped him ever touching me ever again.
I would never let him do it to anybody else and at the age of 25 i told my mother only because a member of my family had given birth to a baby girl and I was worried for her welfare, This is why I say I felt no god with me, but did god intervene? the person I am talking about is now very poorly with no recollection of what is going on around him! I ask myself did god intervene? would he do that? could he do that?. No matter why it happened, it stopped me from having to be open and honest and cause a huge ripple effect in the family.
Does this really happen to people? can they have a form of abuse that goes on twice in a childs lifetime by 2 different people? The answer is yes! and I only learn't that when I became a christian, before that I blamed myself.
The second thing that happened to me was age 11, first year of secondry school, there was a boy who payed me attention, why? I have no idea,Ii was quiet, shy, lacked confidence who know's what goes on in the mind of these people. I will not give his real name, but this is how it started.
He would pin me to the wall, to the floor, put his hand up my skirt whenever he feltlike doing it, there were many things he did, his friends would do the opposite to sexual things, one of them tried to suffocate me between a wall and a door that rested against the wall, they basically made me the door as a vice and pushed the door against me. I have had black eyes, dead arms, bruises, I have had drawing pins put under my coat that was on my school chair, so after I had been to the bathroom, i would come back and sit back down I would be in pain! the list could go on but there is no need to as i am sure the picture is clear.
When I reached year 5 ( i know all that time later, i dont know why i didnt tell, the fact that I was still going through what my uncle did to me or that this perticular boy threatened my life) who know's but i told my mum who was horrified, she called the police and took me out of school, she was great about it all and very supportive, but after the police and the time out from school I tried to got back and i got battered by all of him male friend's because he was'nt allowed near the school, Also we were threatened at our home so my mum would'nt take any of it and she and my dad sell our house and we moved away, I was to tell no one but our family were we were moving to for saftey reasons, so we moved to were i am now with no friends, I had to drop down a year in school and start year 4 all over again, it wasn't anybody's fault but i was being punished (so i thought).
I now believe if none of that would of ever happened i would'nt of met my fantastic husband and have 4 fantastic kids! So the big question, was god with me? is he there before we are saved? for me i say YES i was a child and all children are born in sin but we are blind as to what religion is really all about, I admit as an adult I lost my way for a while but at the age of 28 I found God as an adult and it is fantastic to have him there watching out for us.
What happened to me was not nice at all but i believe what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and it also makes us the person we are today, it makes me a bit overprotective when men are around my 3 girl's but that cant be a bad thing can it?
What i will say is, if you are feeling low about anything similar that has happened to you then send me a message via my contact and I will respond! Life doesn't have to be ruined because of other people, they are fighting their own demons and take it out on us, it is hard to come out the other side , but it is possible, these people are people with problem's, why else do these things to people, and that is why I forgave these people a long time before i was saved, I didnt need God to tell me to forgive, i was brought up properly and if I do not forgive I am lowering myself to their level, also to carry around hate, fear or any other negative emotion only drag's you down and makes you ill.
Please do not think i did not have other fears myself because I did for a long time, what i mean to say is that it's a process, you have to go through all these feeling's, even suicide!!!! But please if you feel that way yourself and you read this I will leave my number on the contact form, ring me, if you cant afford to ring , then please send a text and I will ring you right away! suicide is not an option at all, we have to think of our loved ones and most of all, ourselves, we are stronger than we realise and life is worth living, I am doing it.
Well at the age of roughly 7 I went to my nans static caravan on most holiday's and weekends and i had one of those uncle's, the type that abuse little girl's, He did this to me on a regular basis, at the caravan site there was a club and children were allowed in until 10-15pm, a perfect setting for your uncle to get you to sit on his knee and no one can see under the table!
I use to try and get of my uncle's knee but my whole family was surrounded around the family table, If I said no to sitting on my uncle's knee, the obvious thing a family member would say is "dont be rude and give your uncle a hug". Anyway this went on until i turned 13, i remember the day like it was yesterday, I was outside the club and it was dusk, I had an awful black top on with 3 pink surfboards on it, anyway he put his hand on my side and slid up my top and I used my arm and pushed his hand down! and it was that simple, that's all I did and that stopped him ever touching me ever again.
I would never let him do it to anybody else and at the age of 25 i told my mother only because a member of my family had given birth to a baby girl and I was worried for her welfare, This is why I say I felt no god with me, but did god intervene? the person I am talking about is now very poorly with no recollection of what is going on around him! I ask myself did god intervene? would he do that? could he do that?. No matter why it happened, it stopped me from having to be open and honest and cause a huge ripple effect in the family.
Does this really happen to people? can they have a form of abuse that goes on twice in a childs lifetime by 2 different people? The answer is yes! and I only learn't that when I became a christian, before that I blamed myself.
The second thing that happened to me was age 11, first year of secondry school, there was a boy who payed me attention, why? I have no idea,Ii was quiet, shy, lacked confidence who know's what goes on in the mind of these people. I will not give his real name, but this is how it started.
He would pin me to the wall, to the floor, put his hand up my skirt whenever he feltlike doing it, there were many things he did, his friends would do the opposite to sexual things, one of them tried to suffocate me between a wall and a door that rested against the wall, they basically made me the door as a vice and pushed the door against me. I have had black eyes, dead arms, bruises, I have had drawing pins put under my coat that was on my school chair, so after I had been to the bathroom, i would come back and sit back down I would be in pain! the list could go on but there is no need to as i am sure the picture is clear.
When I reached year 5 ( i know all that time later, i dont know why i didnt tell, the fact that I was still going through what my uncle did to me or that this perticular boy threatened my life) who know's but i told my mum who was horrified, she called the police and took me out of school, she was great about it all and very supportive, but after the police and the time out from school I tried to got back and i got battered by all of him male friend's because he was'nt allowed near the school, Also we were threatened at our home so my mum would'nt take any of it and she and my dad sell our house and we moved away, I was to tell no one but our family were we were moving to for saftey reasons, so we moved to were i am now with no friends, I had to drop down a year in school and start year 4 all over again, it wasn't anybody's fault but i was being punished (so i thought).
I now believe if none of that would of ever happened i would'nt of met my fantastic husband and have 4 fantastic kids! So the big question, was god with me? is he there before we are saved? for me i say YES i was a child and all children are born in sin but we are blind as to what religion is really all about, I admit as an adult I lost my way for a while but at the age of 28 I found God as an adult and it is fantastic to have him there watching out for us.
What happened to me was not nice at all but i believe what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and it also makes us the person we are today, it makes me a bit overprotective when men are around my 3 girl's but that cant be a bad thing can it?
What i will say is, if you are feeling low about anything similar that has happened to you then send me a message via my contact and I will respond! Life doesn't have to be ruined because of other people, they are fighting their own demons and take it out on us, it is hard to come out the other side , but it is possible, these people are people with problem's, why else do these things to people, and that is why I forgave these people a long time before i was saved, I didnt need God to tell me to forgive, i was brought up properly and if I do not forgive I am lowering myself to their level, also to carry around hate, fear or any other negative emotion only drag's you down and makes you ill.
Please do not think i did not have other fears myself because I did for a long time, what i mean to say is that it's a process, you have to go through all these feeling's, even suicide!!!! But please if you feel that way yourself and you read this I will leave my number on the contact form, ring me, if you cant afford to ring , then please send a text and I will ring you right away! suicide is not an option at all, we have to think of our loved ones and most of all, ourselves, we are stronger than we realise and life is worth living, I am doing it.